So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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