Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
