I just saw a hot homeless man
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Randomize
