I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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