just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
