Need sex. Gaining weight.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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