The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
