"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
