is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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