WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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