She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
