I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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