dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
