Are we in a gay sports bar?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
