we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
