it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
