We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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