Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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