As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You're breaking my sexual little heart
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
