I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
