girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
