There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
