I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
