soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
