Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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