Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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