I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
