Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize