apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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