Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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