i think my mom watched the whole time
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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