I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
