i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize