Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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