Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I need water and some morals
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
