She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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