Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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