Non-Jews are for practice
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
