it hurts more in the daytime
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
