u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
