i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
