Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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