Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
zippers are such a cool invention
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
