why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
