i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
50% drunk capacity currently
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize