we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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