Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
