Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
