she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
