I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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