my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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