Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We left the knife in your bed.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
