At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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