you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If I die, sorry about rent.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
