If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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