Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
