Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
