Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
