if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
