I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize