you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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