no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
