The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
