It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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